Fear Of Unhappiness
The only thing feared is unhappiness. That is all you can fear. Fear means anticipating unhappiness. Fear, as we are using the word, is an emotion: not the desire to avoid, or the decision to avoid alone, but that along with the belief that if you do not you will become unhappy.
The Only Thing Feared is Unhappiness
Unhappiness is believing that something makes you (is making you, or will make you, or has made you) feel or otherwise be (act, think, have emotions, desires, etc.) a way you were not allowed to (or not supposed to) be.
Unhappiness, as we have already seen, means to feel bad. To feel unallowed or undeserving of happiness is the same as feeling you are bad. The reason feeling bad feels bad is because of what we believe about “bad”.
Bad, whether it is about us, or about what happens to us, means that we should feel bad. Bad means deserving of punishment. Punishment is anything that can make us, or is supposed to make us, feel unhappy, or that we are bad.
For punishment (poenis in Latin means pain) to work as punishment it must convince us that we don’t deserve to feel good or be happy. It must be convincing that we deserve to be in pain or unhappy. We must feel bad. If not, then it is not punishment
People get unhappy when they don’t get what they want, because, in a sense, they feel they are being punished; even if they don’t know why.
UNHAPPINESS
IS BELIEVING
THAT SOMETHING (even you)
PROVES YOU ARE
(makes you feel or be)
A WAY
YOU SHOULD NOT BE,
(which is bad for you, which means makes you bad,)
AND DESERVING OF FEELING BAD.
“Bad for you” means you will have to feel that because of what was “bad for you;‘ you cannot feel the way you would like to feel. It also has the meaning that you cannot be the way you are supposed to be.
© 1992, Bruce M. Di Marsico
Allowed To Be
You, And Everyone Else, Are
Absolutely Innocent, And Completely
Forgiven For Everything.
Let’s make it simple.
Whatever you have been, considering what you believed, and how you perceived things, you were being the way you were supposed to be. You couldn’t have been different.
If that helps you to understand your life, it is because it is true.
If that feels relieving, or like forgiveness, that is because it is true.
True forgiveness is knowing that there is nothing to forgive. There is no evil, and there was never anything that wasn’t supposed to be, or was not allowed.
Let’s keep it simple.
You have always been what you were supposed to be, and you are now just what you are supposed to be.
You have always been allowed to be exactly what you were, and are now allowed to be exactly what you are.
Whatever you are going to be is what you will be supposed to be.
The above is true and nothing can prove it isn’t. Whatever befalls you cannot prove the impossible. You are, no matter what happens, exactly what you should be. Just because you don’t get what you want doesn’t mean you were not the way you should have been. Nature doesn’t punish you for not being what you should have been. God, or Nature, or the Universe of reality cannot have such insane concepts, To make a joke; Nature does not speak in human language, so therefore cannot make the play on words that unhappiness demands. ‘You are not what you would have been if you were not the way you were.”
The correct meaning of should be, needs to be, and similar concepts, means that whatever is, is caused by what necessarily causes it.
Saying that you are “allowed” to be the way you are might not seem so good. Sometimes being allowed seems to mean merely allowed, and that is not good enough for us. We worry that allowed is like, as in “allowed to be bad.”
Because you may think that way, I will clarify.
You are not being allowed to be bad, because it is impossible to “be” bad. It is possible to try to believe, and you are allowed to try to believe, that you are bad, and you are allowed to spoil your appreciation of all that you are. That is possible.
Remember, to believe that you are bad is to believe that you are not allowed to be what you are, or have been, or will be. You are allowed to believe that, but you are also allowed to know that it isn’t true.
You are the allower of yourself. That is the way it is supposed to be. That is the way it has to be. As we said, if “supposed to” or “ought to” or “should”‘ has any real meaning it means “must of necessity.” Well, you ARE the allower of all you do, and that is the way it is. You allow. You must do the permitting. That is the way it really is, and the only way it can be.
You can’t be bad, and you are the on« who has to allow yourself to know that. If you don’t, that doesn’t make you bad, but you will feel that you are.
Let s try again to make it simple.
When you are unhappy you are believing you are a way, or you feel, or you think, etc. a way that you shouldn’t, or even a way that you don’t want.
You can’t think or feel a way you don’t want. You can believe that you can. That believing feels like a feeling that you wouldn’t want. Who would want to feel that they feel a way they don’t want? That’s unhappiness. You want to feel bad when you believe that you have to feel a way you don’t want. Even though that never happens, believing it does feels bad.
You can not be a way that isn’t you. Period. No matter what anybody says.
SIMPLY:
You always did what you wanted.
You are now doing what you want.
You always will do only what you want.
You Don’t Want To Feel Bad
You are allowed to do anything, be anything, feel anything, think anything, but no matter what it is, it will always be you and what you wanted to be. You abo don’t want to feel bad about it. In fact, you don’t want to ever feel bad. You just have not always believed this about yourself. You, indeed, don’t want to feel bad.
Can this truth about yourself help you to never be unhappy?
Sure! Just know this.
YOU DON’T WANT TO FEEL BAD.
You have believed you did. You believed it was good to feel bad. You believed that it was “good” to feel bad. You believed you were “good” to feel bad. That’s all.
You thought you wanted to feel bad. You thought that was really what you wanted. Here’s why. It was so much of what you believed was naturally you, you believed you had to be that way: the way you wanted. The things you “had” to feel bad about were things you BELIEVED you had to feel bad about because that was being true to who you believed you were. You believed that was “good”.
What you never realized was that:
You don’t like to feel bad means you don’t really want to feel bad.
You don’t want to believe you’re bad.
You don’t want to believe you are the way you shouldn’t be.
You thought it was right and good to feel bad, and you always want what is right and good. You thought you were being what you shouldn’t have been, or something was happening that shouldn’t have been happening, so you wanted to feel bad.
Feeling bad is believing that you (or something) is being a way you (or it) shouldn’t be for you.
You, everyone, and everything is exactly what should be for you. You were wrong when you felt otherwise. That’s all. If you want it different, then want it different. It is not what it should not be. It’s just a way you don’t want. You need not feel different about it. You are allowed to not want anything; anything at all. Just because something is doesn’t mean it has to be wanted by you. Let those who want it do so. You don’t.
Wouldn’t it be true to say:
You now don’t want to feel bad?
You don’t want to believe you have to feel bad if it isn’t true, do you?
Since it is impossible for you or anyone, or anything to be bad; it follows that it would be impossible to feel bad?
Could it be you are believing it is possible to feel bad just like you used to believe it was possible to be bad? Are you believing that feeling bad is another way of being bad?
Could it be that if you have a feeling you call bad it is because you are believing you could want to feel bad, or could need to feel bad? Do you believe you deserve to?
You only need to know something. The truth is that you don’t any longer want to feel bad about anything. You don’t believe feeling bad shows the truth of anything. Besides the fact that you don’t want to feel bad, no feelings are “bad”, or shouldn’t be.
You have been believing (feeling) that you should feel a certain way (unhappy), and now may realize that you believed you wanted that feeling, and now you don’t want it anymore. It’s not “bad” to feel bad in either case.
Feeling bad about feeling bad, or feeling that feeling bad is bad, is no more than doing what you did to feel bad in the first place. You are believing that something that has a perfect truth (a reason or cause) in being should not be, and is bad for your happiness. When we believe that something is bad for our happiness we MUST OF NECESSITY feel bad about it.
Feeling bad is not bad for future happiness. Feeling bad cannot cause any further feeling bad. Fear of it does. It could be over immediately.
If you know, or believe, or decide that you don’t value, and don’t want to feel bad, then YOU CAN’T any longer. It i* over. Whatsoever you then feel, it is not bad. Now what do you feel? That is the truth.
A SIMPLE OPTION METHOD
Is what you are feeling O.K.?
Even if you don’t feel very happy, is what you are feeling something you want to be, or deserve to be unhappy about?
Decide! Know yourself! What is the truth? Realize that you only want to be happy, and at least not unhappy, about the way you feel or don’t feel.
Now, is it you? The truth!
For whatever cause you feel what you feel, it is not bad, is it? It’s O.K. with you, isn’t it?
We Are Here For Happiness
Our only issue here is happiness.
Our only questions here are about unhappiness.
Our only answers here are happiness.
Whenever you ask yourself the question, “Why are you unhappy?” and answer it, “I am not* and ask yourself the question, “What can you become unhappy about?” and answer it “I can’t he unhappy,” then unhappiness is no longer the question.
Then you will know what other questions there are.
Do you believe you are not very good at being happy? Do you believe it takes practice?
Are you allowed to be happier than you are now? Do you believe you will be?
Choice
PEOPLE CHOOSE THEIR BELIEFS, EVERY BELIEF.
People choose what they have hope in. People choose what they have no hope in.
People decide what they want, and they decide what they don’t want.
People choose to believe that they can’t do something, or can do something.
PRETENDING AND LYING
People choose to lie or tell the truth.
People choose to make believe and say they know what they do not know,
OR they choose to admit that they do not know. People choose to make believe and say they don’t know that they do know,
OR they choose to admit that they do know.
FREEDOM
People choose what they feel and think about anything. People are free everywhere, and yet choose to believe that they are constrained In their opinions. beliefs, attitudes, decisions, and OPTIONS.
WHY DO PEOPLE BELIEVE THUS?
They choose to believe that they do not choose. In some way they must believe that they would be responsible for something bad if they had to realize that they freely choose. People tear being free because if they were free they would be “too” free and would do evil or something bad.
CONSEQUENCES
People choose what to forget, and what to remember. This is not wrong, nothing is. There just are consequences. These consequences are not good or bad. Those are also choices of judgment. This is also not wrong to judge. There are just consequences for that.
HAPPINESS AND UNHAPPINESS
The consequences of judging are not good or bad. The consequences are happiness or unhappiness.
People choose what to do, and choose what not to do.
This is not wrong. ETC.
People choose what to feel emotionally,
and choose what not to feel emotionally.
This is not wrong. ETC.
People choose their postures. ETC.
People choose their mannerisms. ETC.
People choose their speech, language, inflections. ETC.
People choose what they learn. ETC.
People choose their tastes, opinions, attitudes. ETC.
People choose their superstitions and religions. ETC.
People choose what they believe is proof of anything. ETC.
People choose what they believe is relevant and pertinent.
People choose what they think about their lives,
their dreams, their memories, their thoughts,
affections. People choose whatever they think about anything.
Bruce M. Di Marslco, 1990
TEACHINGS: A SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS ON THE OPTION METHOD1
Learning the Practice of The Option MethodSM
The Option Method is the procedure of questioning the belief (or seemingly, beliefs) that is the real cause of all forms of unhappiness. The proper (i.e. effective) application of The Method assumes an understanding of the principles and reasons for The Question (or seemingly, questions).
The implications and the further derived insights of these principles and insights are called the Teachings of O.M.
The integration of the principles, insights, relevance, the basic understanding, the reasons wherefore and, of course, happiness, is called the attitude that determines the behavior of a practitioner or adept. Simply, the Option Method in practice comes from the knowledge which creates the attitude of a happy person.
Even minimal practice of the Option Method cannot be accomplished based on classes, lectures, memorization of principles and the like. Only as an expression of the Option Analyst’s own continuous experience of consciously, deliberately wanting to eliminate his unhappiness can there be any meaningful attempt to practice O.M. Only the person who diligently questions his own unhappiness is at all suited to help another.
An unchallenged unhappiness of our own does not prevent the use of the Option Method for another. It is still an opportunity to affirm that we have our reason for believing we must be unhappy, and the other person has his. That there is no objective cause of unhappiness is the great truth of Option. Knowing that another does not have to be unhappy is a great reminder. Yet, recognizing our unhappiness, and not realizing that it is possible to eliminate it, is an unhappy attitude that does prevent the correct practice of the Option Method.
The requirements for a successful learning of the Option Method are exactly the same as for a successful life by any standard. Happiness first, not second. No tolerance for any unhappiness as if it were necessary. No fear of anything. To fear unhappiness is the biggest mistake and self deception. It is denying that all our previous unhappiness was anything but self-chosen. Unhappiness never “happened”. So, to fear that it will (as if it did) is simply to reflect that denial.
That fear of unhappiness is exactly what is wrong with the thinking of other people. Unhappiness just never happened. This is the main teaching of Option and upon which all other insights are based. People got unhappy because they believed it was good or useful to future greater happiness and therefore wanted to be unhappy. Unhappy means to fear happiness as bad for future happiness.
Bruce M. Di Marsico,
October 24, 1992
TEACHINGS: A SERIES OF INSTRUCTIONS ON THE OPTION METHOD1
The Fundamental Insight Of The Option Method
Unhappiness is a only a BELIEF.
You are unhappy only because you BELIEVE it is natural for you to be.
You get unhappy only because you BELIEVE it is natural for you to get unhappy.
What you are unhappy about does not have the power to make you unhappy. You are unhappy only because you BELIEVE it does.
You are unhappy, not because you have to be, but only because you BELIEVE you must be.
You don’t have to be unhappy. You only BELIEVE you do.