Outline
- You don’t need to understand happiness, just consent to it.
- There are only reasons for being unhappy; there are no reasons for being happy.
- The problem with unhappy wanting is not in the wanting; it is in the unhappiness.
- Only you can consent to be happy; no one can make you happy against your will.
Introduction
In this talk, Bruce Di Marsico discusses consenting to happiness.
You don’t need to understand happiness, just consent to it. Happiness is always already there, it just can be somewhat obscured by unhappiness. Nothing need be done to attain happiness, except consent to it. There are only reasons for being unhappy; there are no reasons for being happy.
The problem with unhappy wanting is not in the wanting; it is in the unhappiness. If you feel unhappy wanting, for example, you want to get intoxicated for unhappy reasons, questioning your desire to get intoxicated can only pile unhappiness on top of unhappiness; rather, respect your desire to be intoxicated, and question your unhappiness, and find out if you still want to get intoxicated when you are not unhappy.
Only you can consent to be happy; no one can make you happy against your will.
Being Grateful without Reasons
It’s now that you can feel grateful. Feel grateful to be happy. Feel grateful to do anything you feel like doing. Feel grateful to do whatever you want to do. Feel grateful to do everything you want to do, and be happy.
You don’t need reasons anymore; they don’t have to be your motivation. Everything you do, you can do out of love, that can be your motivation, and use your mind for what it was intended. Your mind is to help you figure out and to decide things, not to make emotional judgments and feel bad. Only to help you to decide things. Not to convince you that you don’t love. Not to make you feel that you’re unworthy of all the good that there is for you.
In the end, there’s no way to understand it. You just know. That’s all. All labels can do is limit you and make you afraid. All labels can do is give you implications you don’t need.
It’s everything you’ve ever wanted, that’s all. Let your minds be at peace. Let them rest. You don’t need them for what you are doing.
Questions and Answers
Questioner: When you say there are no reasons for our being happy or unhappy, that scares me.
There are only reasons for being unhappy. If you are unhappy, it is because you believe there are reasons to be happy and because you believe there are reasons for being unhappy—but all you can really do with your reasons is be unhappy.
Questioner: What’s the point of wanting something specific? Is it believing that if I had it, I would be happier?
You think it’s possible that you might want something other than what’s really best for you. It’s not a matter of believing. You know what you’re tending toward. You tend toward food when you’re hungry. You tend towards your bed when you’re tired.
Questioner: Would it be good to let yourself tend towards whatever you’re tending toward, even if it’s out of unhappiness?
You’ve got to start where you are. And if there’s any unhappiness or there’s any fear in your life, its cause is going to be in your wanting. You’re going to think that you’re wanting it from your unhappiness. And so in trying to put down your unhappiness, you put down your wanting.
Questioner: So if I’m tending towards having a drink, then the best thing to do is to let myself have a drink?
If you’re not aware that you don’t want more not to drink. It just depends on what you want more. The only reason people could perhaps not know that they want more not to drink is because they use all kinds of beliefs to get into the way of what they know.
Questioner: When I get what I want or I see the possibility of my being likely to have it in the future, I feel happy about that. And I’m saying to myself, I’m happy now because I have a reason to be happy because I’m getting what I want.
That’s because you believe you need help to be happier. What if you knew you were going to be happier, then would you have to make up that game: if I get this, I’ll be happier, if I get that, I’ll be happier? What if you knew you’d be happier. You say to yourself, well, what would I do if really knew I was going to be happier? Well, what are you doing right now? You really do know you don’t need help to be happier. It doesn’t prove that you don’t know that, just because you’re acting as if you don’t.
You can know something and act as if you don’t know it. It doesn’t mean you don’t know it. You can feel something and act as if you’re not feeling it. It doesn’t mean you’re not feeling it. You know it whether you admit it or not. You feel it whether you admit it or not. So that’s all irrelevant. Somehow acknowledge that you consent to be happier, that you know you’re going to be happier.
You have to admit, “I know where I’m going and I’m open to it,” not “ I wonder where I’m going, I don’t know where I’m going and what could it lead to and could it be bad. ” That’s acting as if you didn’t know where you were going. All you need to do, when real happiness presents itself to you, when you come to know what it can really feel like, what it really means, is to somehow consent to it. “Okay, I consent to it. I’m not going to act as if it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to act as if I don’t know.”
You can only act as if you don’t know. It doesn’t mean you don’t know. You can drive it so far back in your mind and out of your experience, that you could walk around all the time as if you never knew it, and cover your knowledge over by believing that unhappiness is possible.
Questioner: What messed it up?
There’s nothing messed up. It’s just not admitting what you know.
Questioner: I have this experience of being coerced into being happy, like I’m supposed to be happy.
You’re the only one who can give the consent. Who else can? You’re just feeling like you’re not consenting to what you want. That’s all.
Questioner: You were saying, we all want to be loving. And I don’t feel loving or happiness. That’s what everybody talks about, loving and happy but I don’t experience that. Maybe it’s because I want to experience a relationship with other people but I don’t experience it.
You’re talking as if you don’t want to feel loving, but have to feel loving against your will. You’re talking as if you could feel loving without wanting to feel loving. You’re talking as if it was possible for someone to make you feel loving if you don’t want to feel loving.
All being loving is, is a nod of the head. All loving is, is a consent, an awareness and a being glad for what you’ve got. That’s all it takes to be loving. And you want to prove that you’re free to not do that. You’ve been proving that all your life. So you’ve proved it.
There’s no pressure. Your feeling loving isn’t going to do a damn thing for any of us. So stop fooling yourself. It’s only for you that you would feel loving. Nobody’s pressuring you. You feel loving for your own sake. That’s all. Right? That’s really what it amounts to. We don’t need you to feel loving. And you’re just kind of robbing yourself of that feeling that you want so much, and instead, you’ve become afraid that you’re not going to do what you want to do and that you’ll go away from what’s good for you and that you’re being coerced into being happy, as if you didn’t want to be happy. As if you could be coerced.
Why would you be afraid of being happy? Are you afraid that then you’d be unhappy? What kind of a circle is that? Then you’re not talking about being coerced into being happy. Then you’re not talking about being happy.
All there ever was for you is happiness. Whether you consent to it or not, it’s there. All you were able to say about it is, “I consent. I’m glad that I’m feeling so good.” Nobody’s’ making you be that way and your past is not making you be that way right now. Nothing is.
You want everything you’ve ever wanted – you could just admit it. I want everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m glad for getting everything I’ve ever wanted. That’s all. It doesn’t cost you anything. You’re not giving anything to anybody else that you need for yourself. You’re just diving into what you are and who you are and what you’ve got. That’s all. That’s all there is. It’s very simple.
Now you can feel whatever you want to fear in your judgments and you can make yourself feel sick. But the thing that would get rid of all of that, all the other feelings, would be to just consent and be glad for what you’re feeling. Be glad for feeling happy. Be glad for feeling good. Be glad that there is peace for you. That everything you’ve ever wanted is at hand. Nothing to be afraid of.
Questioner: My confusion is that I know that I am capable of loving because I have experienced that. But not all the time. I feel happy when I feel that way. Or maybe I feel that way because I’m happy. Whatever comes first.
Loving and being happy are the same thing. It’s being glad for what you have. It’s being glad that you’re happy. It is just the opposite of depression, which is being unhappy that you’re unhappy. Real love is being glad that you’re loving, being glad that you’re happy. That regardless of what somebody else is doing, you know you are.
You may feel hostile. That doesn’t prove you don’t love. And the more you know that, the more at peace you’ll be.
You are not the cause of your life. But you can consent to it or not. You are not the cause of your happiness. You can consent to it or not. You know where the real true cause of your happiness is. You can consent to it or not. Would you refuse to be happy because you don’t know where it comes from, you don’t like where it comes from or it doesn’t fit your rules? All you need to know is you cannot create happy feelings in yourself. You can only consent to them. They don’t come from you. They’re everything you’ve ever been destined for. They’re everything and more than what you’ve ever wanted. All you can do is consent to it or not.
Questions for Reflection
There are no questions for this talk.
Meditation for the Week
All you need to do, when you come to know what happiness really means, is to somehow consent to it.