All “shoulds” are beliefs of what to do, feel, say, think, believe, know, want, have, be, etc. in order to avoid unhappiness. e.g. “I should want this if I am taking care of myself”. All doing of what is “right” is to avoid unhappiness.
“After I do what I should, then I am allowed to then be happy.” “Should” is a way of earning freedom from worry and unhappiness. This is called happiness, but it is really the peace of relief of “natural unhappiness” (which is believed inevitable if one doesn’t earn the right to avoid it).
If I do what I should do, then I don’t have to be unhappy. Then I have escaped the obligation of being unhappy. “Unhappiness comes from doing what I want unless I can believe I “should” do that which I want.” “Unhappiness comes from getting what I want unless I can believe I should have it.”
“Shoulds” are derived from having a wanting that is not a “should”, from a place where there was no previous should. It is thought that without a “should”, that wanting must be avoided and the opposite is what should be wanted – attended to.
What one “should” want is derived as opposite to what one “should not” want.
“You should not want to do everything you want.” Therefore: “You should want only some wants which follow what you should want.”
“In order to avoid unhappiness I should love you and be with you and learn from you, etc. But I am still unhappy.” I realize it is because of my above belief I can complicate matters by becoming self-reflexive: I believe I should not have “shoulds.” Now I believe that in order to avoid unhappiness, I should not want you just because I should want you. Now in order to avoid unhappiness, I should not be with you just in order to avoid unhappiness.