That’s what all unhappiness is–you don’t believe yourself…
Not Believing Yourself
The cause of emotional stress is believing you don’t want to do what you are doing.
If you knew you wanted to do what you are doing, how could you be stressed?
If you wanted to do something else more, you would do that.
If you change your mind about what you want to do most, or get in touch with some other want that you want to do more, you will do that.
Stress is not consenting to wanting to do what you are doing. It is not believing yourself that you actually want to do what you are doing.
Surrendering vs. Believing Yourself
The idea of “surrendering”, often proposed in “New Age” thought, is that stress is caused by not wanting what is happening (often called, “what is”). The idea of surrender proposes that to not be stressed, the key is to want what is happening (instead of what you are wanting, which is something else).
If you do indeed change your mind so that you want what is happening, then you will not be stressed. But you love that you want what you want, and so, you would never want to change your mind about what you want (until you really do.) To believe that to be happy you must change your mind so that you want what you don’t want, is to pile unhappiness on unhappiness.
Trying to not want what you want (“surrendering”) is in some sense an opposite of fully acknowledging (consenting) to yourself that you want what you want, of believing yourself that you really do love what you love.
Taking Responsibility vs. Believing Yourself
The idea of “recognizing that you are choosing what you do”, or “Taking Responsibility”, a concept often proposed in various stream of American self-help movements, is also a form of not believing yourself. Many of these movements also often propose that happiness is a way to being wealthy, so you can really be happy.
In so far as you are choosing what you are choosing, it is because of what you believe. As long as you believe what you believe, you will choose what you choose. But choosing, in this sense, is not an act of will, it is merely doing what you want most, given what you believe. “The Will”, in fact, is the mythical assertion that there is what you want, and then there is what you really want, and some sort of effort must occur to so that you can act on the basis of the latter instead of the former. But you could never do anything except what you are in touch with wanting most. There is only what you really want, which is the equivalent of saying that there is no such thing as what you really want, hidden is some depths.
The philosophy of “taking responsibility” is equivalent to the alternate self-reprimand, “Why the hell am I not choosing to do what I know I should?” and the self-praise, “Thank God I am choosing as I should.” The idea that you choose your actions in this sense can only occur if you believe you could do something besides what you want to. If you know you are always wanting to do what you are doing, what choice is occurring?
Trying to choose what you want (“taking responsibility”) is in some sense an opposite of fully acknowledging (consenting) to yourself that you want what you want, of believing yourself that you really do love what you love, and that there is no choice to be made.